The Three Wise Dudes
A Play in Five Acts
by Czar
Act I Scene 1 –
Setting: A long time ago, in a desert far, far away…
Narrator: Once upon a time, there were three wise dudes. They were totally mellow because they smoked frankincense and myrrh and things like that. One night they were sitting around getting an attitude change when one of them looked up at the clear night sky.
Wise Dude #1: Whoa, dudes! Check out that star, it’s like all psychedelic and shit.
Wise Dude #2: Whoa, that’s some groovy shit, man!
Wise Dude #3: Dudes, I think it wants us to follow it. We should totally go see where it goes.
Wise Dude #1: Yeah, totally!
Wise Dude #2: Dudes, wait up! We have to get more frankincese and myrrh.
Wise Dude #3: Oh yeah, and we should take the gold with us too, cuz what if we run out and have to get more?
Wise Dude #2: Dude, good call!
Narrator: The three wise dudes traveled through the desert for what seemed like days. It might have only been a half hour or so; it’s hard to tell when your stoned. Eventually, they came to a manger, finding a woman, a man, and a newborn child.
(The woman has flowers in her hair and is barefoot. She sits strumming a guitar. The man is off in a corner, stoned out of his mind, seemingly oblivious to his surroundings. The baby is clothed in tie-dyed rags, sleeping peacefully.)
Wise Dude #1: Dudes, this must be where the star wanted us to go!
Wise Dude #2 (to the woman): Hey, you want some myrrh? It’s some good shit!
Woman: Yeah, totally! (Takes a hit.) Wow, this *is* good shit! Where did you get it?
Wise Dude #2: There’s this dude we know out in the desert. He fixes us all up.
Wise Dude #3: You’re totally groovin’ on that guitar, are you like in a band or what?
Woman: Thanks, yeah. My name is Mary, and I sing in a band with these two guys, Peter and Saul. That guy over there is Joseph, he’s our manager. He doesn’t really get us a lot of gigs, but he’s totally cool.
Wise Dude #1: Is he your husband?
Woman (giggling): Fuck no! I don’t even know where this baby came from. Might have been this guy I met after a gig in Jerusalem.
Wise Dude #3: Whoa, so like what are you going to do with the baby?
Woman: I’m totally going to raise him myself! I’ll teach him about peace, love, and rock & roll, ya know? He’ll be a long-haired hippy like me!
Wise Dude #2: That’s so cool! Dudes, we should totally give them some frankincense and myrrh.
Wise Dude #1: Yeah, totally!
Wise Dude #3: Oh yeah, and we should give them some gold, too, cuz what if they run out and have to get more?
Wise Dude #2: Dude, good call!
*Curtain*
To be continued…
…maybe…
…but probably not.
