I’m back!

Well, after a nice long Christmas holiday (and a bout with a nasty cold/flu), I’m back. I hope everyone had a nice Christmas holiday; I know I did despite feeling kind of shitty for most of it.  sound file  I should be posting more regularly now, although whether the New Year’s festivities interfere with that remains to be seen. 😉

A Seasonal Drama

The Three Wise Dudes

A Play in Five Acts

by Czar

Act I Scene 1 –

Setting: A long time ago, in a desert far, far away…

Narrator: Once upon a time, there were three wise dudes. They were totally mellow because they smoked frankincense and myrrh and things like that. One night they were sitting around getting an attitude change when one of them looked up at the clear night sky.

Wise Dude #1: Whoa, dudes! Check out that star, it’s like all psychedelic and shit.

Wise Dude #2: Whoa, that’s some groovy shit, man!

Wise Dude #3: Dudes, I think it wants us to follow it. We should totally go see where it goes.

Wise Dude #1: Yeah, totally!

Wise Dude #2: Dudes, wait up! We have to get more frankincese and myrrh.

Wise Dude #3: Oh yeah, and we should take the gold with us too, cuz what if we run out and have to get more?

Wise Dude #2: Dude, good call!

Narrator: The three wise dudes traveled through the desert for what seemed like days. It might have only been a half hour or so; it’s hard to tell when your stoned. Eventually, they came to a manger, finding a woman, a man, and a newborn child.

(The woman has flowers in her hair and is barefoot. She sits strumming a guitar. The man is off in a corner, stoned out of his mind, seemingly oblivious to his surroundings. The baby is clothed in tie-dyed rags, sleeping peacefully.)

Wise Dude #1: Dudes, this must be where the star wanted us to go!

Wise Dude #2 (to the woman): Hey, you want some myrrh? It’s some good shit!

Woman: Yeah, totally! (Takes a hit.) Wow, this *is* good shit! Where did you get it?

Wise Dude #2: There’s this dude we know out in the desert. He fixes us all up.

Wise Dude #3: You’re totally groovin’ on that guitar, are you like in a band or what?

Woman: Thanks, yeah. My name is Mary, and I sing in a band with these two guys, Peter and Saul. That guy over there is Joseph, he’s our manager. He doesn’t really get us a lot of gigs, but he’s totally cool.

Wise Dude #1: Is he your husband?

Woman (giggling): Fuck no! I don’t even know where this baby came from. Might have been this guy I met after a gig in Jerusalem.

Wise Dude #3: Whoa, so like what are you going to do with the baby?

Woman: I’m totally going to raise him myself! I’ll teach him about peace, love, and rock & roll, ya know? He’ll be a long-haired hippy like me!

Wise Dude #2: That’s so cool! Dudes, we should totally give them some frankincense and myrrh.

Wise Dude #1: Yeah, totally!

Wise Dude #3: Oh yeah, and we should give them some gold, too, cuz what if they run out and have to get more?

Wise Dude #2: Dude, good call!

*Curtain*

To be continued…

…maybe…

…but probably not.

Why Researchers Don’t Get Anywhere with Women

A bunch of researchers in Canada and Austria somehow pulled off every heterosexual male’s fantasy research project: Taking measurements of “every curve and contour of hundreds of Playboy models”. So what did they have to say at the end of the project? They used terms like “androgenous” and “stick insects” to compare the more recent models to the “hourglass” figures of the models from the 50’s.

Now guys, you can’t go saying stuff like that. Even if she’s a bit thin for your taste, you still need to focus on the positive. And whatever you do, pay some attention to her personality and feelings, too. Read the wisdom of Smoove B for a few pointers.

The Two Towers

The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers opened today, and I’ve read mostly glowing reviews, although I expected nothing less after The Fellowship Of The Ring. I would say that this trilogy was this generation’s Star Wars, although unfortunately kiddies have the current, inferior version thrust upon them.

I was very apprehensive about seeing FOTR last year, as I’ve been enamored with the books since I read them back in elementary school (and many times since). My biggest fear was that my vision of Middle Earth would forever be tarnished and replaced by what I saw in the theater, but on almost all counts I was more than satisfied. The fact that several plot threads were ignored or modified is annoying but forgiveable considering constraints on the length of the film. And since I haven’t had the time to watch the extended version on DVD I should reserve further criticism on that point, although I know there are still some plotlines and characters that will not make any version (Tom Bombadil would’ve been cool 🙁 ). However, I find it necessary to weigh in with my displeasure on the way that Arwen’s role (played by Liv Tyler) was misappropriated from the book.

Peter Jackson stayed very true to the Tolkien’s works, allaying a lot of fan’s fears (mine included), but what he did with Arwen was unforgiveable. Her role in the books was extremely limited, almost to the point of just being arm candy for Aragorn. If I recall correctly, I don’t think she even appears in The Two Towers, and she was definitely not the Elf Warrior Queen they made her out to be in FOTR (Elrond, her father, was responsible for most of the actions atrributed to her in the movie). I really resent Peter Jackson’s liberties with her character for the sake of some more face time for a female “star,” even if some view the book as flawed in that respect. I disagree on that point anyway; there is romantic tension in the book trilogy, but it is very much subdued and a comparatively minor plot point. The fact that it has been so grossly transformed and prominently marketed irks me to no end, as neither her character nor her relationship with Aragorn was meant to play such an overtly large part. I know that movie adaptations of books always take liberties, but Jackson did such a great job staying within the parameters of the novels that I can’t overlook this transgression.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, but that’s how I see it. I can’t wait to see the movie, especially if the trailers and reviews are any indication. Of course, that may bring to light more rants, so stay tuned… 😉