In a stunning turn of events, The Onion reports that Politicians Sweep Midterm Elections. Republicans quickly blamed their losses in the election on the Democrats.

Now that George Allen has conceded to Jim Webb, Democrats have taken control of both the Senate and the House of Representatives, a sign that voters are fed up with the current administration and the Republican-led Congress.

As a result of these sweeping changes, Stephen Colbert called it quits on his show last night in an angry tirade.

The Right Was Right has a 25-point manifesto of immediate changes that the new Democrat-controlled Congress will now implement, including:

• Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses
  
• Pledge of Allegiance in schools replaced with morning flag-burning
  
• Comatose people to be ground up and fed to poor
  
• Outlaw all firearms: previous owners assigned to anger management therapy
  
• Ban Christmas: replace with Celebrate our Monkey Ancestors Day
  
• Carter added to Mount Rushmore